love
relationship
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unconditional love
Learning the Art of Unconditional Love (The Most Important Key to Have a Successful Relationship)
Relationships
are the most contrasting experiences in our lives meaning that they cause the
greatest joy and also the greatest suffering. To have a harmonious relationship
we need to learn how to evolve together instead of evolve apart. We need to
find a way to cultivate harmony while allowing personal change to take place.
One of the most important keys for helping that harmony take place is
cultivating unconditional love instead of attachment.
What most
of us call love or falling in love is not actually love, it's attachment.
Unconditional love is the state of being purely positively focused in an
attitude of appreciation for something that we are paying attention to. That's
much different from what we actually call ‘love’ on a normal basis. What we
call love — which is actually attachment — is the need for another person. What
that means is you fulfill some need which I don't feel capable of fulfilling
for myself so I feel a void when you are not around because the absence of you
means that need will be unfulfilled. Thus my happiness is dependent on what you
do and don't do. That is attachment. That is not unconditional love. We will
lead happier lives if we can get into the modality of unconditional love and
provide our own needs for ourselves instead of seeking them through other
people.
This does
not mean that you need to learn how to stay in relationships with people who
harm you or who you don't actually feel enjoyment by being around. That is not
unconditional love. You only know unconditional love when that love and your
happiness is not conditioned upon what other people do or don't do.
Of course,
the art of finding unconditional love is a practice even for those of us who
are the most evolved on the planet. How many people do you actually know that
have mastered unconditional love? People who can remove their own happiness
from what other people do or don't do to them or for them? No one, right? Even
those who are pretty good at cultivating harmonious relationships still have
not mastered it, so don't expect yourself to practice unconditional love with
perfection 24 hours a day. It's a practice for every single one of us. No
matter how evolved you think you are you still have got more to go when it
comes to unconditional love.
Every
single thing you do that gets you more happiness, every single thing you do
that brings you more peace is going to help you to come into contact with
learning how to love unconditionally. Your quest towards enlightenment is the
same thing as your quest towards unconditionally loving. So literally anything
you do to benefit your life is going to be helping you to learn it.
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