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Why Is It a Good Idea to Divide Your First Date in Three Compartments?


What is the mistake that creates every awkward date that you ever go on? When people go on a date, they create this big plan for what they will going to do with someone that is absolutely impossible to escape from. For example, a dinner is just an awful idea for the most part unless you already know that you like the person and they like you and you already have a connection and attraction. Going to a dinner date is really a nightmare because let's say after fifteen minutes you realize that you and this person have nothing in common. They have just said something that you thought was crazy, and you say to yourself: "I can't be in this person's company in the next hour." But you have just ordered your main course. Now you are stuck there for the next 45 minutes to an hour with this person and then at the end of the main course what will you going to do if he or she orders a dessert? You screwed for another 30 minutes!

It also looks kind of desperate when you don't know somebody, when you don't know if you have attraction and you have put down your whole evening to see them, the message that we send is "I have a whole evening for someone that I barely even know". How do we get around this?

Divide your date in three compartments

Well, we want you to think of your date as being three compartments. How you organize these 3 compartments will determine

● how easy is to escape,
● how stressful the date is, and
● how in control and cool you look in the process.

Going to dinner is like having two thirds of the date up front. That's why it is dangerous because now 20 minutes and you can't leave. What experts suggest is taking one compartment — the first compartment — and having that take place at a separate venue to begin with, then the remaining two thirds. Let's say you want to go for a drink in a bar. That's one third because it is easy to remove yourself from that situation. If you want to leave after one drink because it's not going very well you can, you can make your excuses (“I need to catch up with my friends” or “I need to go home and have some work done”), whatever it is, use that one third as the first venue that you go to.

You can save the remaining two compartments for something else. Let's say there is a bowling area around the corner and you don't tell your partner about that to begin with but the first drink goes really well and after a drink or two you say to him or her: “Now let's go to do something fun. There's a bowling area around the corner, are you good? I gonna kick your ass! Let's go bowling!”

What are the advantages of a venue that is risk-free and easy to escape?

Having one compartment take place somewhere that is easy and risk-free serves two big purposes.

1. You have an escape plan.

If it's not going well you can leave and you haven't committed yourself to the next two hours of something with someone that you don't really like.

2. Your partner has to earn your time.

If your partner is graduating to the second two compartments of the date is because he or she has done something right, he or she has earned it. If you had a great drink and then you said "You know there is a bowling area around the corner, let's go bowling", your partner is going bowling with you because they feel like you have a good time and that's why you say spontaneously "let's go do something else".

In your mind you already had an idea that you might be able to do something else with that person — by the way, that planning is key: you don't want to be stuck having a drink in a bar and have no ideas of where to take this date if it is going well —, but it is showing your partner that this is arising from the fact that he or she has done well and earned it. You haven't just given up an entire evening to someone who you don't know. You are doing it because you like that person.

The point is to divide the date like this so you don't put all the pressure around one activity in a date. The ideal date has one compartment somewhere that is risk-free and easy to leave, and if it is going well, you have the second two thirds in the next place.

Seeing your date in three compartments makes it much easier to manage. 

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