Torturing
memories get the best of us as it happens, getting us closed in an inner world
where no pain can reach us. Fear of suffering makes us withdraw and lead a life
that is colorless and void of emotional bonds. By escaping pain we basically
escape vitality, happiness, liveliness and everything that makes life worth
living. Life should be more than just making an effort to avoid suffering.
Giving up freedom in order to be safe will not do. Nobody can be absolutely
safe in this world, however hard we try to avoid hassle and conflict. Keeping away
from life and disappointment is equal to shutting yourself up in a room willing
to stay captive, unconsciously turning your back on both evil and joy. Doing so
you finally find yourself having just a few people left who care for you,
alienated from all the rest, losing emotional bonds. The past can be processed
only by looking it in the face and accepting it as it is, taking the
consequences. Those walls built to protect yourself are too high and strong so
you find it difficult to reach out for connection. Those fears and inner demons
keep lurking in the dark growing stronger as long as you are motivated by the
wish to be safe from them. Getting hurt repeatedly you decided security comes
first, but still you are longing to give yourself a chance and try again. Then
you realize it is necessary to lower your defenses so that other people can
connect with you on a deeper level. Trying to numb every single feeling so that
you won't feel hurt again is a choice. Make a different choice, because life
should be more than just a few decades of meaningless existence.
