Depth & Insight

In this article I want us to take a movie and review it not in terms of how great the movie is, but look at it in terms of what life lessons we can get from that movie. Today’s movie, Boyhood is one of those films with about a hundred of life lessons. So now we are focusing on one simple life lesson that we can get from Boyhood.

Boyhood is a movie that starts with a 6-year-old boy and follows him through his childhood until he reaches his adult life and begins college. You watch him age twelve years and it's the same actor going through this whole journey. And that's fascinating because although he is acting you're watching a real person grow up and go through his adolescent phases and go into adulthood. It's kind of weird. A lot of people think this film is a long film — it's 3 hours long — for me it wasn't long. I saw a guy's life condensed from 12 years into 3 hours and it scared the crap out of me. I first felt nostalgic as I watched it because it made me think of my own childhood and the passing of the years, and how you change and develop and get awkward and go through that, and all of these different phases of life made me realize there were such distinct phases to life and just how quickly they go.

After the nostalgia I felt quite sad looking back and thinking of my own life having gone so quickly and then I felt nervous because I suddenly realized while I'm sitting here reminiscing about the childhood that is over I'm in another phase of my life right now that will also be over soon and it has an end. Every phase has an end and sometimes we are so busy reminiscing about the phase that has already ended that we forget that we are in one right now and that itself needs to be appreciated, we need to find a way to appreciate and be in the moment in the phase of life that we are in because that too will pass.

Seneca in his book On the Shortness of Life talked about life as being short only if you didn't know how to live it and didn't know how to use your time. I think when we get preoccupied with reminiscing or preoccupied with the future we allow the present to pass us by and then life does become incredibly short. We do wake up one day and realize that a year has passed or 5 years have passed or a decade has passed. I took from this movie that we need to appreciate the phase of life that we are in.

1. Just pause for a moment and actually think of what's great about the phase that you are in right now. Because every phase comes with its unique advantages. Some people say school is the best days of your life. I think school has its pros but I definitely think school has its cons as well. When you are out of school you are into a new phase and there are new things to appreciate and the same is true when you are in your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, wherever. We don't just define a phase by age, it can be defined by what you happened to be doing in that part of your life. What is good about the phase of your life that you are in right now?

2. Think of something that is worth doing in this phase of your life. Instead of constantly thinking about what you want to do before you die ask yourself what would be worthwhile right now while you are in this phase. What would aid your growth and aid your learning or what would just feel like living in this phase of your life?

3. Keep a daily list of what made today count. When I started alongside my daily to-do list keeping a list of what actually made today count — sometimes it was when I got something done for my to-do list I moved it over to the list of what made today count — but it wasn't just stuff I got done, it was things that I thought or things that I experienced or moments I had with people. I don't want this to be confused with saying how many things you can get done in a day because productivity isn't the same as presence. It's not the same as being present, as actually appreciating the day, appreciating the moment, feeling and sensing and enjoying the experiences that you are having. Those aren't always to-dos.

What made today count? In that way you will begin to appreciate every single day in this phase of your life instead of getting to the end of another year and seeing that that year just went by and you barely noticed it. So that's it 3 quick things to appreciate this phase of your life. If you haven't seen Boyhood, go and watch it. If you are like me you will feel sad, because it is sad to see time go so quickly and to see someone just so swiftly move through their life and to see how quick that goes, but it also does give you such a tremendous appreciation of the time that you have now and how important it is just to try and slow it down as much as possible because this phase will be over before we know it.

Torturing memories get the best of us as it happens, getting us closed in an inner world where no pain can reach us. Fear of suffering makes us withdraw and lead a life that is colorless and void of emotional bonds. By escaping pain we basically escape vitality, happiness, liveliness and everything that makes life worth living. Life should be more than just making an effort to avoid suffering. Giving up freedom in order to be safe will not do. Nobody can be absolutely safe in this world, however hard we try to avoid hassle and conflict. Keeping away from life and disappointment is equal to shutting yourself up in a room willing to stay captive, unconsciously turning your back on both evil and joy. Doing so you finally find yourself having just a few people left who care for you, alienated from all the rest, losing emotional bonds. The past can be processed only by looking it in the face and accepting it as it is, taking the consequences. Those walls built to protect yourself are too high and strong so you find it difficult to reach out for connection. Those fears and inner demons keep lurking in the dark growing stronger as long as you are motivated by the wish to be safe from them. Getting hurt repeatedly you decided security comes first, but still you are longing to give yourself a chance and try again. Then you realize it is necessary to lower your defenses so that other people can connect with you on a deeper level. Trying to numb every single feeling so that you won't feel hurt again is a choice. Make a different choice, because life should be more than just a few decades of meaningless existence.