Depth & Insight

Many people live with two faces, one is put up to show the world how happy they are and the other is the real one hidden and rarely acknowledged, preserved for private moments. Your real life is far from perfect but you like painting a colorful, happy existence that you can proudly show off to strangers you meet walking down the street, friends on Facebook, colleagues at your workplace and so on. People feel a desire to deceive others into thinking they live the perfect life denying the fact that it is only the seeming of a life. We live outwardly, we want to seem great, which results in short-term satisfaction and long-term frustration. Problem is that you can't wear a mask forever, for the inadequacies of your real life begin to show more and more and finally you'll find impossible to pretend everything is right. We are so ready to make a complete mess out of our lives by putting our energy into pretense instead of working hard to change what is not right.

Technology got the better of us if you want to hear the truth. Somehow it became more important to capture and share all minute details of everyday life than to live in those moments enjoying them to the fullest. Excuse my sarcasm, but our motto could be something like “if you never post it, it never happened” — this is the way of thinking in modern life. Bad, isn't it? We live our days without ever really being there in the moment because we focus on taking photos of those moments so that we can show our friends in social media how happy we are. We want more and more likes to feel loved and accepted, we want to feel special and popular which is easier online than offline. Thus whatever we do our mind is always on documenting the activity and saving it for social media share which means our attention is at least half diverted. We never really experience things fully because we are never really there.

How can you take a selfie while kissing for instance? If you are happy with that kiss, how can you ever think of taking a photo while doing it? If you are in love, you just can't focus on the likes you will get for that photo from the people who are (more or less) honestly happy for you. Most people never cares if you are happy. Your whole being should be filled with the sensation of the moment, the vibrations that kiss gives you, the thrill that runs through you. Instead you want to prove how happy you are by taking a photo. Now just ask yourself: What if people won't see how you kissed? What if people won't see your happiness? Most people will never see your struggles and darkest thoughts either. It's okay. You should not do things because of them. Your life is not a public show for everyone to see. If you focus on making a display of everything you do all the time, then you live for them, you do things for them. You should do everything for yourself.

However, no problem to write a few lines about it after you went through an experience. After you received all the happiness you could by that kiss, it is no problem to tell those who really care. Afterwards it might occur to you to tell. No sooner. And you might want to take some photos, too. Not to share them on social media, but for your own use. It might be nice to look at those pics sometimes and relive the moment. It might be nice to show them to those who really want to be part of your life. Not to everyone and not publicly, though. And those photos don't have to be perfect. You might lose precious moments of an experience focusing on the best way to take that picture. What if the photo is not perfect? It matters not. Living fully and being in the moment is more important. Or should be.

The happiness you get from virtuality is short-lived and shallow, leaving you with a feeling of dissatisfaction, because you want more. It works the same way as drugs. Somehow we separated ourselves from everything that is natural, building a fake world that seems more satisfying than reality. We want to hide the truth behind that bright surface. How can you truly believe that anyone's life can be changed by just a few clicks? How can you believe that looking good in social media makes you good in real life? How can you believe that showing off your happiness makes you happy? Technology is only a tool, no more. It is very useful when someone we love lives far away from us, enabling us to keep in touch, be part of their lives. It is handy when we need information, too. Technology is a blessing if you use it for the right purposes, helping yourself to a happier and fuller life in reality. A life that is not displaced by virtuality.

We lie to ourselves often and happiness derived not from living our real life but existing virtually is the biggest lie we ever told. Why do we need that lie? Obviously, we need it because we want to please. Deep inside there's something that forces us to do whatever is approved by others so that we are accepted. We want the world to believe that we live the perfect life, everything in order, everything going right. We are terribly afraid to show our imperfections. We feel that we must be the perfect worker, the perfect spouse, the perfect parent, the perfect everything. We need others to think that we are happy. We need them to think that we are useful and well-grounded in life. We never ask ourselves if we are truly happy. We never think how to please our own soul and heart. We don't realize that people who really matter are few and such that they never ask that we please them.

The truth is that we are not satisfied with the amount of love and attention we get in real life. Everybody wants approval, praise, kindness, etc. We want to feel that we are important to others. People who can't get what they need in reality start to seek it in a virtual existence. You might not feel worthy and loved so you go for a few hundred likes to fill the void in your heart. Perhaps you feel good about yourself for a few hours afterwards. However, the happiness caused by virtual love quickly expires and you are left drained and dissatisfied, desiring even more likes so that you can feel, not happy this time, but some joy at all. You need more and more likes to feel okay, never realizing that it is not the likes that you truly want. You want them as a substitute for true love.

We all carry burdens that we hope to put down. For a while we seem to succeed in that, but then, they return with extra force, because they have to teach us something that we are reluctant to learn. Some people hate their jobs. Others hate their partners. There are people who hate their whole lives even. However, making the necessary changes so that we can be happier seems too hard so we do everything we can to escape reality. These days not only books and movies offer the opportunity to turn our back on our lives, but the virtual world that social media offers enables us to create a new life. This is easy and simple. When reality gets too harsh we are tempted to escape into virtuality, a world where we can be at least seemingly perfect. Of course you know it is a lie. You must face that fact each time you fall back into the everyday routine of your real life. Yet, you can't wait to get back to the virtual world so that you can forget what your real life looks like. 

It doesn't have to be that way. Knowing the root of your fears enables you to change your life. That is if you are willing. You can manage and use technology in the proper way so your life becomes a beautiful living thing instead of a shadow. When you no longer call 'life' something that is only a tool you get motivated to turn your attention inward. You don't fall into the trap of focusing on what others think instead of what you truly want. You don't compare yourself to others all the time. If you want to be truly happy, enjoy the moment heartily and gratefully.