What is the
mistake that creates every awkward date that you ever go on? When people go on
a date, they create this big plan for what they will going to do with someone
that is absolutely impossible to escape from. For example, a dinner is just an
awful idea for the most part unless you already know that you like the person
and they like you and you already have a connection and attraction. Going to a
dinner date is really a nightmare because let's say after fifteen minutes you
realize that you and this person have nothing in common. They have just said
something that you thought was crazy, and you say to yourself: "I can't be
in this person's company in the next hour." But you have just ordered your
main course. Now you are stuck there for the next 45 minutes to an hour with
this person and then at the end of the main course what will you going to do if
he or she orders a dessert? You screwed for another 30 minutes!
It also
looks kind of desperate when you don't know somebody, when you don't know if
you have attraction and you have put down your whole evening to see them, the
message that we send is "I have a whole evening for someone that I barely
even know". How do we get around this?
Divide your date in three compartments
Well, we
want you to think of your date as being three compartments. How you organize
these 3 compartments will determine
● how easy
is to escape,
● how
stressful the date is, and
● how in
control and cool you look in the process.
Going to
dinner is like having two thirds of the date up front. That's why it is
dangerous because now 20 minutes and you can't leave. What experts suggest is
taking one compartment — the first compartment — and having that take place at
a separate venue to begin with, then the remaining two thirds. Let's say you
want to go for a drink in a bar. That's one third because it is easy to remove
yourself from that situation. If you want to leave after one drink because it's
not going very well you can, you can make your excuses (“I need to catch up
with my friends” or “I need to go home and have some work done”), whatever it
is, use that one third as the first venue that you go to.
You can
save the remaining two compartments for something else. Let's say there is a
bowling area around the corner and you don't tell your partner about that to
begin with but the first drink goes really well and after a drink or two you
say to him or her: “Now let's go to do something fun. There's a bowling area
around the corner, are you good? I gonna kick your ass! Let's go bowling!”
What are the advantages of a venue that is risk-free and easy to escape?
Having one
compartment take place somewhere that is easy and risk-free serves two big
purposes.
1. You have an escape plan.
If it's not
going well you can leave and you haven't committed yourself to the next two
hours of something with someone that you don't really like.
2. Your partner has to earn your time.
If your
partner is graduating to the second two compartments of the date is because he
or she has done something right, he or she has earned it. If you had a great
drink and then you said "You know there is a bowling area around the
corner, let's go bowling", your partner is going bowling with you because
they feel like you have a good time and that's why you say spontaneously
"let's go do something else".
In your
mind you already had an idea that you might be able to do something else with
that person — by the way, that planning is key: you don't want to be stuck
having a drink in a bar and have no ideas of where to take this date if it is
going well —, but it is showing your partner that this is arising from the fact
that he or she has done well and earned it. You haven't just given up an entire
evening to someone who you don't know. You are doing it because you like that
person.
The point
is to divide the date like this so you don't put all the pressure around one
activity in a date. The ideal date has one compartment somewhere that is
risk-free and easy to leave, and if it is going well, you have the second two
thirds in the next place.
Seeing your
date in three compartments makes it much easier to manage.
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